I live most of my life in Indonesia. The land of tanned-skinned women, and yet we are made to believe that women with fair skin are far more beautiful. Why? I really don't know... You will not believe the amount of whitening products available in this country. And on top of that, marketing campaigns by cosmetics companies that try to implant the idea in our head about ideal beauty (which means having fair skin in general) are outrageous!
I, myself, had that moment in my life where I wanted to have fair skin simply because my best friend (who was Chinese and naturally has fair skin) was always getting most of the attention and comments about how pretty she was (she still is until now, though!) and my presence was merely as her sidekick and not more. Despite the fact that I was doing better academically, on the social context I was always under her shadow most of the time. And as a young woman, I too need some sort of social acknowledgment. Not popularity, just for people to recognize my being, really... that a person named Suksma Ratri existed...
In my childhood, I had an awful experience during my elementary school period, which I believe has also played crucial role in shaping me up. I remember boys calling me names "hideung" (Sundanese word for black - in this case, because I have darker skin). And my nerdy look with thick glasses really did not do much good back then. My mother always told me that if I were nice, bright and smart, people would always find me likable no matter how I look. Yes... easy for her to say, but I was the one with the crisis! And at that time, I couldn't care less about my grade or academic achievement because those did not really stop the boys from calling me "hideung".... and that hurts... a lot...
I was not pretty, nor that I have fair skin. I was not coming from a rich family and I had nothing to brag about. When I was about 10 or 11 years old, I thought, "That's it. I am stuck in this nerdy look. I am nothing but an unpretty nerd with dark skin..." - I smile, even laugh now every time I remember that moment. But back then, it was quite depressing. While I was trying to apply my mother's advice and keep being nice to everyone, things were not as simple as that when every time I tried to approach the boys to join a game, they fled. And I do mean they ran away from me while screaming, "Eeeewww.... go away! We don't want you near us!" - of course, not all the boys were like that. Some of them were still nice to me, especially those whose mothers are friend with mine. At one occasion, I had a row with one of them and I asked him why did he and his friends had to treat me so badly. Guess what the answer is... "We will be your friend when you have fairer skin and better looking!" - Gosh... even since such a young age we have been indoctrinated on the definition of beauty. Mind you, this was in the 80's...
I was definitely broken and hurt. But my mother told me that I still have nice friends whom I can play with instead of those awful boys. So, I did. I chose not to play with them. Funny enough that these boys, despite the fact that I avoided them, were always trying to "poke" me by calling me "hideung". To get my reaction. But for a couple of years to come I chose to ignore them and not to react. Yes... sometimes the best reaction is not to react! But it wasn't that simple when you are only 10 or 11 years old!
Years gone by and yet today I still find that cosmetics companies are trying to define "beautiful" by having fair skin. And on top of that, long straight hair and slim body. It gets worse! This beauty entrapment apparently has not ended at all!
I, myself, had that moment in my life where I wanted to have fair skin simply because my best friend (who was Chinese and naturally has fair skin) was always getting most of the attention and comments about how pretty she was (she still is until now, though!) and my presence was merely as her sidekick and not more. Despite the fact that I was doing better academically, on the social context I was always under her shadow most of the time. And as a young woman, I too need some sort of social acknowledgment. Not popularity, just for people to recognize my being, really... that a person named Suksma Ratri existed...
In my childhood, I had an awful experience during my elementary school period, which I believe has also played crucial role in shaping me up. I remember boys calling me names "hideung" (Sundanese word for black - in this case, because I have darker skin). And my nerdy look with thick glasses really did not do much good back then. My mother always told me that if I were nice, bright and smart, people would always find me likable no matter how I look. Yes... easy for her to say, but I was the one with the crisis! And at that time, I couldn't care less about my grade or academic achievement because those did not really stop the boys from calling me "hideung".... and that hurts... a lot...
I was not pretty, nor that I have fair skin. I was not coming from a rich family and I had nothing to brag about. When I was about 10 or 11 years old, I thought, "That's it. I am stuck in this nerdy look. I am nothing but an unpretty nerd with dark skin..." - I smile, even laugh now every time I remember that moment. But back then, it was quite depressing. While I was trying to apply my mother's advice and keep being nice to everyone, things were not as simple as that when every time I tried to approach the boys to join a game, they fled. And I do mean they ran away from me while screaming, "Eeeewww.... go away! We don't want you near us!" - of course, not all the boys were like that. Some of them were still nice to me, especially those whose mothers are friend with mine. At one occasion, I had a row with one of them and I asked him why did he and his friends had to treat me so badly. Guess what the answer is... "We will be your friend when you have fairer skin and better looking!" - Gosh... even since such a young age we have been indoctrinated on the definition of beauty. Mind you, this was in the 80's...
I was definitely broken and hurt. But my mother told me that I still have nice friends whom I can play with instead of those awful boys. So, I did. I chose not to play with them. Funny enough that these boys, despite the fact that I avoided them, were always trying to "poke" me by calling me "hideung". To get my reaction. But for a couple of years to come I chose to ignore them and not to react. Yes... sometimes the best reaction is not to react! But it wasn't that simple when you are only 10 or 11 years old!
Years gone by and yet today I still find that cosmetics companies are trying to define "beautiful" by having fair skin. And on top of that, long straight hair and slim body. It gets worse! This beauty entrapment apparently has not ended at all!
Funny thing in northern climates (Seattle, Canada, New York, Ireland, UK) young women with milk bottle white skin go to tanning salon to darken up because men find the look feminine and fertile. The grass is always greener on the other side. I'll bet as you got to 15/16 the boys stopped calling you names, and started calling you :)
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