The Art of Remembering

There is this tribe in central Africa. The people believe that the dead should not be named or mentioned, because only by then you will be able to let go and move on. They mourn for a while, but soon they have to take control of their lives and set aside the grief before they finally move on. They don't forget about the dead, but they simply just get on with their lives without them.

And I thought, how different it is here. People here tend to remember the dead and speak about them constantly; and somehow talking about them comforts us. But does it really provide us with comfort... or is it just us in denial of reality? It's a fine line. Here, even after years  and years some people still cry when they speak of the deceased. Maybe that African tribe sense the possibility of continuous grief, that's why they decided to stop at some point. They don't want to cry when they speak about their dead relatives or friends, that's why they set the rule about it. How simple.

But then in our complex lives, simplicity is sometimes the hardest thing to achieve. We think, act, work, speak in complications and complexity on daily basis that it is so difficult for us to simplify everything. We pay attention to details, but many times we forgot the bigger picture. We focus on the big picture and forgot to frame it. Nothing is simple anymore. Simplicity seems like luxurious matter that is unaffordable.

After we live our complex lives, we are busy trying hard to be memorable for everyone. But the question is, "Do you want to be remembered?" - Some people want to be remembered through their wealth. Some through their fame. Some other through achievements. Do we want people to remember us now, tomorrow, next week, next year, ten years from now or after we die? Do they (the dead) want to be remembered? And how can we be sure about it?

Let's go back to that tribe in Africa. Can't we learn anything from them? They have a simple way to move on and that's wonderful. They believe that only by getting on with their lives, the dead will rest in peace eventually. A single shed of tear will make the spirits restless. And when they are restless, they cannot go to heaven. So, if you love them, you have to stop mourning soon. And if speaking about them mourns you, maybe you should stop doing it. 

Here, if we refused to speak about the dead, people would think we haven't moved on. They think that we are still clinging on to the memories. But really, how can we forget if we are forced to remember all the time? Here, they say when we speak of the dead, it means we already let go. But does it really? Does it really mean we let go or we discreetly deny the reality and try to work our way through denial? How different to that African tribe. But which one do you think is better? As for me, I think the African tribe has the wisdom more. I shouldn't speak of the dead because we're in a different dimension now. There's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well just get on with my life. There are many ways to remember them, but speaking about them will be the last on my list...