A Letter to Ray

Dear Ray,

Well, we both know that your name isn't Ray, but you always preferred to be called Ray.

How are you, bro? I'm so sorry that I haven't been in touch with you as much as I should. In fact, I feel that I have been neglecting you all these years. I am truly sorry for that.

Do you remember times when you were so stubborn with your condition? That I had to come and scolded you all the time. That was very exhausting. You know, I used to complain a lot about how you were. But the truth is, I couldn't really turn my back on you. Do you remember, even after I moved to KL I still managed to chase your adherence through numerous text messages? I remember there were several times when I came back to Bandung that I went to see you. I was so pleased to see you're progressing wonderfully. What happened? Did you just give up on yourself? Did the meds not work? You never told me. All those sweet words about you're back on your feet again that you gave me.... Were those just lies...? 

I am not angry, but I am very... very disappointed... at you for not being truthful and at myself for not making enough efforts to see what actually happened in you. Did you feel the same too? That I haven't done enough for you? That I should've done more? That I could've put more efforts? We emailed and texted each other until at some points I realized that it all stopped. I thought you were busy. When I called, your number was not active, so I presumed you have led a good and productive life. But who knew... you were actually on your death bed. And I just got the news today... It was very devastating. Not the death, but the fact that I didn't do enough efforts to try and reach out for you. You're a very good friend of mine, how could I ever neglected you.

You know what, I have been feeling neglected by my friends recently. At first, I didn't really understand why, but today I sort of got it. It probably a lesson for me. To have me felt how you felt these past years. In that regards, I most certainly deserve it....

So, have a wonderful life in heaven, my friend... I know you are probably laughing at me from up above there. Again, please forgive me for all the wrongs I've done. You should know better that none of them were intentional. Say hello to others there from me... Someday I'll be joining you all... Thank you for a wonderful friendship. Thank you for teaching me valuable lessons about life, hardship, stubbornness and sincerity.

Your friend,

Ratri