Reality Bites!

I have come to realize that I cannot expect others to understand my situation no matter how bad it is. Of course, I feel the world is unfair because for my whole life I have been trying to understand others. I know that everyone has their own problems, and so do I. And I always thought that there is nothing wrong with asking others to understand mine every once in a while, especially when I need it most. 

When I did not get any response, I took the initiative to be proactive. But it is heartbreaking when I was perceived as chasing. I was not chasing. I was just in dire need of support and feel needed. I just needed nice, funny and light chat, but apparently it was also too much too ask. Happiness and serenity seem to be luxury stuff that I cannot afford at the moment. The hopes of getting sweet words had been flushed down the toilet. Bitterness embraced me instead. And I cannot do anything but crying. Frustration, anger, disappointment and loneliness are mixed altogether. Apparently for some people I am nothing but disturbance and annoyance who does not deserve comfort, understanding or sweet words.

The harder thing is that this is not me. This is the side effect of my medications. This is beyond my control. I am fighting it constantly but there are times when I cannot do anything but letting it burst. And unfortunately, it burst at the wrong time... The time when others are not interested in caring or comforting me. So, yeah... Reality does bites! And it bit me hard in the heart today...

Maybe it is not my time yet to be understood... Maybe I have not understood others enough that I do not deserve to be comforted... Maybe...