I Just Want Simple Things

It has been an emotional few days for me. I am struggling with the mood swing, emotional instability and loneliness. The feelings of isolation and negligence are overwhelming. I feel like I can't deal with the outside world at the moment. Luckily, I can work from home so I don't have to go out (and it's raining every day anyway). 

The loss of appetite, insomnia and depression are a cocktail of nightmare that keeps me awake and restless. On top of that, I haven't been able to make a contact with my fiance. I feel neglected and rejected when I need the support most. Yes, I have friends but there are times when I need him more than I need my friends. I am watching the net every day, hoping so bad that he would drop a line or came online so we can chat. But I have to accept the fact that he didn't. I somehow noticed that he went online because he "like" the postings on his facebook wall, but he must be in a hurry that he didn't drop a line to say hello to me. And then, like any other depressed people, I started to question everything. I question whether I am worthy or not. I cried and cried and cried.... But I couldn't even cry myself to sleep. I lie awake at night until dawn breaks.

The most heartbreaking thing is that he is not there when I need him most. I don't need major thing, just a drop of line or a small chat, then I would be alright. It is really hard to keep myself together with all the baggage and self-isolation. I want simple things, but at the moment those seem to be the hardest to get. I feel like I am counting down to the day I finally shut myself off and go into the darkness of isolation. I don't want that to happen. I am fighting it, but I feel that I have no support from the most important person in my life.

At the end of the day I was forced to accept and realize that no one can support me except myself. There is no "shoulder to cry on" for me. No comforting words to ease my weary mind. No quick message to brighten up my soul. No one understands what I am going through but myself. So, is it wrong when I eventually feel that I am not worth it...?