Ignorance is Cruel

Last weekend I had a chat with my old friend. A good friend of mine. We used to hang out together during our university years. She was a very supple and dynamic girl back then. Popular among students and has golden voice. When she got married, everyone was thrilled and happy for her, because it seemed like she marries a great guy and most probably would lead a great and happy life ahead.

But life often surprises us by turning out and leading us to a different direction. The path we never even thought would be ours. As years gone by, I found out that she became HIV-positive from her old habit of injecting drugs. We kept in touch and I always tried to comfort her in any ways I could. Unfortunately, she had to lose her eldest daughter to AIDS. Her lack of knowledge regarding HIV costs her the life of her daughter. She was devastated, and not only that, her husband refused to touch her anymore since he found out that she was HIV-positive. This has been going on for years and years. And just last weekend, she contacted me again, pouring her heart out that her husband wants a divorce. Furthermore, the husband wants to take away their young daughter and has single custody because he is afraid if she stays with my friend, she will eventually become infected.

I knew from the very beginning a few years a go that her husband was never an easy man. We have tried so many ways to educate him regarding HIV prevention and transmission but everything seemed to be back to square one. I remember, when their eldest daughter fell sick, he refused to take her to the hospital and instead took her to the so-called "gifted person" in a very remote area and asked for him to take away the illness. This backward mindset is really disturbing, considering he comes from a well-to-do family with good education. His rejection over his wife is another proof that he is lacking in knowledge of HIV, or having very limited one but refused to open his mind. Even the doctor could not get through him in this regards, leaving my friend in sadness and devastating situation.

I am gutted. I am angry. I am sad. I feel helpless because I am far away from her and cannot do significant thing to help her except texting her. I am amazed that in year 2011, there are still people with such ignorance. It angers me how he behaves as if nothing else matters except his own opinion. My friend was not only being neglected and rejected. Her husband stopped all kinds of physical contacts with her including holding hands, let alone kissing her on cheek. That is a really sad situation. She has lost her daughter. In some ways, she also has lost her freedom, and she also lost all the affections and support from her husband. I never stopped asking "Why???" - "Why can anyone be such an ignorant?"

This morning I got another text message from my friend, she said that her husband had taken her daughter away and he will divorce her, whether she agrees or not. He told my friend that he wants to have future and that he cannot do so with her. I can only imagine how broken-hearted my friend must be. She doesn't want a divorce, but it was because she doesn't want to be separated from her young daughter. I remember time and time again trying to make her realize that there is no use in keeping it together since the husband has stopped all sorts of affections and support. She is practically left to her own device with nothing. I remember not getting it, why she was so persistent of rejecting a divorce (this was already a few years a go). Yes... this is not the first time her husband 'offers' a divorce to her. It happened before, and my friend, being weak and vulnerable always tried to stall. She was very dis-empowered and confused, even until now. But now I know why she was trying to hold on to her wrecked marriage for so long.... It was all because she doesn't want to be separated from her daughter.

I cursed and cursed and cursed a lot while reading her text messages. And at the same time I'm feeling more and more and more helpless. Everywhere I turn, it seems like a dead end. Her husband's ignorance portrays the common problems faced by HIV-positive women in my country. And all those campaigns and education are flushed down the toilet.... Nothing else matters anymore... Ignorance is cruel.... ='(

[in deep frustration and helplessness...]