My life has officially ended here. No, I'm not feeling self-pity. I am just fully awakened that I am not capable in keeping the one I love, in love with me. What does it say about me as a human being? A freaking failure! A mistake! Even the one I love wouldn't take me anymore.
Suddenly the sun stops shining. The world stops revolving. I am in a deep darkness and I can't get out. The tears I cry a river, won't fix anything. I try to be strong, but I am woo weak to deal with myself at present. I hate my reflection when I look in the mirror, because it is a reflection of a failure. All the plans, sweet words and promises that are broken - all are flashing on. I have let him slipped away because of my own selfishness. I know that he is broken too. But even a broken man cannot take me anymore. He doesn't want to anymore.
The points in my life have lost and I have no future to go to. I have given my whole heart, my whole life and my soul to him, and now I have nothing left. Somehow I really wish that my heart was made of stone so I could feel nothing when it breaks. What do I have left exactly? Treatment doesn't work. Relationship doesn't work. Nothing works anymore. I hate myself.
What do I do now? Continue to live in the darkness... I have no more passion. Suddenly life is not so beautiful anymore. I have lost everything! I lost the love I love the most. The world has stopped revolving and everything has gone cold. My heart is scattered all around and I am beaten black and blue. I don't know how to move on. I'm just going to stand here and be wasted. Waiting. Maybe the Death Angel takes a pity on me and drag me away from this pain. I'm broken. Dismantled. Fragmented. Torn. Incomplete without him. I hate myself. I hate my life.
I wish I could just disappear. Vanished into thin air and feel nothing.... I cannot take this pain... I'm sorry... I feel so low and I don't know how to pick myself up.
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